Life Lessons I've Learned As A Writer

Life Lesson 1: You don't have to accept all or any feedback from your editor

Since the age of 12, I was determined to become an Independent Author. I had dedicated time to writing each day. I kept a journal. I took creative writing classes all throughout Jr. high and high school. I even majored in English which exposed me to a ton of English classes. And throughout all these years I maintained a steady writing routine, while graduating from college, getting married, and starting my family.

I considered those years a preparatory time in my life. I was still writing, but not caring too much about grammar or structure, metaphor or character development. I just wrote stories, knowing that someday I would publish them.

Flash forward to the moment my youngest child started preschool and I was ready to get serious about publishing and improving my craft.

I started by watching Youtube videos about writing and what words to remove to make my works more active. I took notes. I read books about writing craft and writing structure. I started to understand how and why certain things must happen in a book in order to keep the story moving or make it more intriguing.

And by the summer of 2021, I had a manuscript.

My manuscript had gone through the first stage of drafting, and I had read through it myself, making sure it made sense and wasn't too difficult to read. I could have published it easily online and called it good, but I wanted my works to be taken serious.

Up to this point, everyone I chatted with about writing didn't understand the magnitude of what I wanted to do as a writer. They'd pass it off as some hobby and metaphorically pat me on the head wishing me luck. Even my husband wasn't sure how serious I was, but did his best to support me.

I knew I was improving as a writer because I undertook the Beta Reading stage, contacting neighbors I trusted to give me feedback on about my manuscript. This stage was nerve wracking at first because I worried about their responses, but they were kind and the feedback was helpful for the development of my story. I felt professional and made the necessary revisions seeing my story improve almost immediately. Again, I could have published my book then and there, but there was one more step I felt needed to do in order to solidify my professionalism as a writer.

I needed a professional editor to look over my manuscript.

Yes, I majored in English, but ironically the one class I didn't think to take was an Editing Course. Plus, my emphasis was Technical Writing, so formatting and cover designing with Adobe Suite programs were more of my jam than editing sentences and perfecting a transition.

But I wanted to be taken serious as a writer, and that meant sounding professional on paper. And if I wanted to sound professional, I needed an editor to help me.

I had asked my neighbors, who were English teachers, if they knew anyone who could edit my book and I was directed to an experienced editor who I could trust with my manuscript.

I wasn't sure what to expect. So when I got the first half of my manuscript back from the referred and experienced editor, I had a moment of panic and depression.

I scrolled through the pages of red sentences and tracked margins. Some sentences were inserted directly by the editor while other sentences were rearranged. Once I reached the bottom of my document I closed my laptop and sobbed. It was a shock to my system. Yes, I expected red but not THAT much red.

That night I cried in my husband's arms and questioned if I'd done the right thing. And with the wisdom of an old sage--my husband said something I'd never forget.

"You don't have to accept any or all of the feedback."

I thought the notion was dumb at first. Of course I have to accept the feedback, I paid for the edits. But then I realized I was the one who determined if the experience was a waste of money or not. Did I want to grow and improve as a writer, sounding professional on paper, OR did I want to stay where I was as a writer--a novice with grammar and story structure? At the end of the day, it was my book, my writing, my works, and if I wanted to ignore the editor's suggestions then I had to be willing to accept the consequences of that action.

This was not only mind blowing for me as a writer, but life changing for me as a person.

I had always internalized people's thoughts and opinions and adjusted myself accordingly. The only two areas in my life that weren't affected by somebody else's opinion was my faith in God and my writing. Those were two areas that I had decided on my own to live according to my own desires and decisions and nobody else could persuade me unless I allowed them to.

But when it came to my style, my choice in music, my weight, my marriage, my parenting, and even my preference of food--I was caught between following what I believed was ideal for myself and what others thought would be best.

Realizing I didn't have to accept EVERY SINGLE SUGGESTION from my editor made me internalize what that would mean in my own life.

With this mentality in mind, I started going over the edits. I decided to reject anything that took away from my plot, my characters, and my theme. If the suggestion didn't respect my writing style, I simply rewrote it. Occasionally, there was a sentence added from my editor and I accepted about two of them as-is because I liked the wording and the image they provided. There were a couple plot diversions I didn't accept because I wanted less sympathy for my villain. But I did accept a few new ideas that would help strengthen the plausibility of my plot. Overall it was a good balance between acceptance and rejection.

By the end of the first round I was confident with my approach to editing, keeping my voice and style intact, while learning a thing or two about writing along the way. I was able to finish the editing/revisions accordingly and move forward to publish Whispers of Addington Manor. And since then, I've applied this experience to everything I send out for professional edits.

As for life. Well, I'm getting better at choosing when to consider other people's opinions and when to reject them. I've also had to remind myself I'm not being selfish when I reject opinions that don't support what I want to be as a person, a mother, and a wife. (This also applies to my writing.)

Happily, this mentality has given me confidence in writing what I want to write, not what I think my neighbors would love to read. This has also helped me recognize my audience and how to write for them while still keeping my weird twist on tropes and cliches.

Remembering that I have a choice to either accept or reject suggested feedback gives me the confidence to move forward trusting myself in the process but also seeing where I can improve and trusting my choices will satisfy that improvement.

We write our stories for ourselves, but edit them for our choice audience. Whether you decide to have a professional editor look at your work or not--preferably Copy Edits and Proofreading--decide how you want to improve as a writer and be willing to accept the consequences of those decisions.

If you haven't already, feel free to check out my various works on my website.